Best Pickup Lines

I just did my taxes and I'm supposed to declare all my dependents. Can I list you?

If looks could kill, you'd be a weapon of mass destruction.

You're the only girl I love now, but in ten years, I'll love another girl. She'll call you 'Mom.'

I'm no Shakespeare, but you're inspiring me to write a sonnet.

Do you play soccer? Because you're a keeper.

My love for you is like dividing by zero... it cannot be defined.

Are you a haunted house? Because I'm going to scream when I'm inside you.

Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te!

Are you a campfire? Because I want to get you hot and put my stick in you.

Are you a well-written essay? Because you've got a great introduction, a compelling body, and I'm dying to get to your conclusion.

Excuse me, I think you dropped something: my jaw.

Hey, do you like pudding? Well how about pudding this dick in your mouth?

My bedroom has a strict 'no pants' policy. I can give you a private tour if you'd like.

Were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you sure know how to raise a cock!

I don't need a spoonful of sugar to swallow you.

You must be made of cheese. Because you're looking Gouda tonight.

Are you a keyboard? Because you're just my type.

Are you Australian? Because when I look at you, I feel like I'm down under.

Baby, I'm not weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight!

I'm trying to be more responsible, so I have to admit something: I'm fully responsible for the awkward silence that's about to happen after I say hi.